Fear,Worry, and Mortality

K here - 

More serious post this time around...

Most anyone who reads this won't know that I had a "not entirely normal" mammogram back in January.  Yes, ladies who read this, you KNOW that is not anything you ever want to hear.  The doctor wanted me to go back in 6 months for a follow-up.  The description on the follow-up order  said "architectural distortion".  Well, I went in for the follow-up this past week and I am still distorted architecturally.  I saw it.  The radiologist said it was alright, but I'm still not sure I can believe it.  Maybe when I get the letter from my doctor that says it in writing...

These whole past six months have just been holding my breath in many ways.  I got this result in January right when another friend in town thought she was going to Iraq but went into a battle of another kind - chemo for the lump they found in the mammogram before she left.  Another friend was in the midst of her chemo and yet another friend - further away this time- was in the same battle.  Yet another friend in another country fought this fight several years ago and seems to be doing well.  I love these women and pray for them, but indeed I do not want to be in their company in this way.  I know the Lord loves them and me and knows what is best for us, but I just don't think I'd make such good patients as these ladies.

I know I have my Father on my side and no matter what the outcome, He's right here with me and Dom and the kids, but the thought of possible separation from my family here just hurts.   I know there are many excellent reasons to go be with Jesus as soon as possible, but at the same time there isn't anything I've ever read in the Bible that makes me think that God created us to WANT to be separated from our loved ones on earth.  

I know I'm talking an architectural distortion here, but this is where my mind goes with the possibilities and what ifs of life... Now you probably know more about my mind than anyone would ever truly like to know, but there it is -